


Burglar

by Hibernia1



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Burglars, Cat, Established Relationship, M/M, Pain, Tyne, gun - Freeform, mention of suicidal thoughts (in a roundabout way)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hibernia1/pseuds/Hibernia1
Summary: Wilson hears a burglar
Relationships: Greg House/James Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Burglar

“House! House! House! House!” Wilson whispered urgently while patting House’s chest.

House struggled to open his eyes. “Wilson… what the fuck…,” he muttered. The bedroom was totally dark and he felt like he’d fallen asleep only seconds before.

“Shhhhhhhhhh!” Wilson hissed, “there’s someone in the apartment!”

“What?!”

“Shhhhhhhhhh!” Wilson repeated, putting his hand over House’s mouth, “I’m telling you, there’s someone in the apartment! I heard a noise!”

“It’s probably Tyne,” House said, removing Wilson’s hand, “what time is it?”

“Tyne’s on your pillow! Someone’s breaking in!”

House sighed. Glancing behind him, he indeed saw Tyne, who started to purr loudly as soon as he caught her eyes. He reached out to stroke her. 

“Hi Tyne, did mommy wake you up as well? Bad mommy, right? Now daddy needs to take an extra pill, or he’ll never fall asleep again.”

“House! This is not the time to make fun of me! There’s a burglar in our apartment!”

“Well, lock the bedroom door and call 911!” House said, “what do you want me to do about it? I’m a cripple, for God’s sake!”

There was a loud thud from somewhere that moment and Wilson clung to House. “Did you hear that? Did you? See? We’re being burgled!”

“Wilson, get a grip! No burglar in his right mind makes this much noise!”

“Then how do you explain those sounds?” Wilson asked, obviously terrified when another thud could be heard. He held on to House as if he were drowning and House wriggled to get free.

“Let go, you’re squashing me – that’s better. Now, didn’t they say something about snow on the weather forecast? I bet they were right for once and some bored kids got out to play in the snow and are now throwing snow balls against windows and doors to scare people. And they’re doing a fine job, too,” House said. 

Wilson considered this for a moment. “Yeah… you could be right…” he said. He sat up. 

“You know what? I’ll investigate. But I want to take your cane, just in case.”

“Be my guest.”

Wilson took House’s cane firmly in both hands and slowly and silently made his way to the bedroom door. He opened it in slow motion and disappeared into the dark living room. House listened for alarming noises, but there weren’t any. Within seconds, he saw the lights go on and he heard Wilson checking the front door and opening and closing the curtains. After that, the lights were turned off again and Wilson re-entered the bedroom. 

“You were right. There were no thieves. The door was locked and bolted and all the windows were intact – and there were kids out, and I saw smudges on one of the windows that were probably made by snow balls.”

“Good work, Columbo,” House said. 

“Here’s your cane.”

“Thanks.”

Wilson climbed back into bed. 

“I’ve gotten cold.”

“Really? No, stay away, I don’t want to get cold as well.”

Wilson didn’t listen and nestled against House’s left side. “I was scared,” he confessed.

“Yeah? You could have fooled me,” House said teasingly.

“Maybe we should get a gun, for when there really is a burglar,” Wilson suggested.

“No.”

Wilson sat up again. “Just like that? Won’t you even think about it?”

House rolled his eyes. He’d have liked to try to get some more sleep, but apparently Wilson was still high on adrenalin and very much awake. “Okay, I’ll think about it… right. Thought about it. No.”

“Why not?”

“You don’t want me to answer that. Come on, you’ll get even colder sitting up like that. Let’s go back to sleep.”

Wilson reluctantly settled under the blankets once more. “Seriously House, why don’t you want us to get a gun?”

“You don’t want me to answer that,” House repeated.

“Well, I do, actually,” Wilson said, sounding annoyed, “like you said, you’re a cripple, and I wouldn’t be much good when it comes to fighting either. So why not get a gun to protect ourselves when someone actually does break in?”

“Tyne, mommy’s annoying me,” House whined, and Tyne immediately responded with one of her bloodcurdling howls.

Wilson pinched House’s arm.

“Ouch!”

“I wish you would take me seriously for once! Well, here’s the deal: you’ll either tell me why you don’t want us to get a gun or I’m taking the afternoon off tomorrow to get one.”

“You turned blackmail into an art form, you know that, right?”

“Whatever. So, where’s the nearest place I can buy a nice gun?”

House sighed. “First of all,” he started, “you wouldn’t be able to shoot a burglar even if he begged you to do it. And second of all…”

“Yeah?” Wilson prompted.

“Second of all, when the pain’s real bad I don’t trust myself with a gun.”

He could feel Wilson tense up and he felt vaguely sorry. “Told ya you didn’t want me to answer,” he said accusingly.

Wilson was silent for some time, and when he spoke he sounded sad. 

“Are you saying you’re regularly contemplating suicide? I mean…”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” House hastened to interrupt. He already was sorry he’d been this forthcoming about why he didn’t want a gun in the house. Wilson took it even harder than he’d anticipated, and totally missed the point as well. He was good at that.

“I don’t have a death wish or anything,” House went on to explain, “my life’s been pretty decent lately.” He gently pulled Wilson’s ear, hoping this would convey the message that Wilson was the main reason for the way he liked his life these days. Wilson wrapped his arms around him, which told him the message had gotten across.

“But when it gets real bad, you know, way off the scale, like the other day when you were at work and I couldn’t reach you and there was no way in hell I was able to get up to get the morphine… I don’t need the temptation of a gun in the nightstand on days like that, that’s all I’m saying,” he continued quickly. He really wanted this conversation to be over.

“Oh House,” Wilson said. He put his head on House’s chest and House immediately started running his fingers through Wilson’s hair. 

“Don’t be all tragic about it,” he warned him, “you asked me to tell you and I did. It’s no big deal. Next topic.”

“I just wish…” Wilson started, but House poked him in his ribs so hard it hurt.

“Ah! You’re a maniac, did anyone ever tell you that?”

“Daily,” House bragged. He was glad to be back on familiar territory.

“Anyway,” Wilson said, obviously forcing himself to change the subject, “we wouldn’t have to keep the gun in the nightstand, of course. We could keep it under lock and key somewhere in the back of a closet.”

“True,” House agreed, trying hard not to laugh out loud, “it wouldn’t be very effective to scare off burglars that way, though…”

“I didn’t think of that,” Wilson admitted, “shit.”

“We could get a dog,” House offered hopefully.

“We’re not getting a dog,” Wilson answered sternly, “I’m serious. I don’t care if you find one in the hospital or in the car or on the porch or in the bathroom or in the street, or wherever – we’re not getting a dog.”

“You sound like a Dr. Seuss book,” House observed, “and on second thought, I don’t think Tyne would be thrilled if we got a dog.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but I definitely wouldn’t be thrilled,” Wilson said, immediately continuing with: “oh, I know! We’ll get a burglar alarm!”

“There you go,” House said approvingly. He couldn’t care less about whether or not they’d get a burglar alarm, but at this point he was willing to agree to just about anything – barring a gun – to get Wilson to shut up and go back to sleep. 

“We need to make sure we get a good one,” Wilson mused, “I’ll check the Internet tomorrow to see which system is best according to consumer tests.”

“This being settled, could we go back to sleep?” House asked, “I don’t know about you, but I need to save some lives tomorrow.”

“You don’t even have a patient.”

“That’ll change real quick if you don’t shut up and let me get some sleep,” House threatened. 

Wilson laughed. “Well, we can’t have that. Goodnight House. I love you.”

“Goodnight Wilson.”

“This is where you say ‘I love you too’.”

“No, this is where I say ‘shut the fuck up if your life means anything to you’. Funny how you always get those two confused.”

House felt Wilson shaking with silent laughter and smiled. Life was pretty decent indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been posting House fan fic on LJ before (ages ago), and now that I've got an AO3 account anyway, I decided to put them here, too.
> 
> Warnings: language, mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts.


End file.
